Backpack from Hell

I've already expressed how much I hate Juicy Couture. Apparently, the company was not satisfied with the intensity of my hatred, so they've tried to, as Emeril would say, kick it up a notch. At least, that is what I'm assuming from their latest hideous offering: the Quilted Nylon Backpack.

The backpack by itself is bad enough. The quilted nylon can only be the bastard lovechild of an overstuffed down jacket and a mid-1990s Prada handbag. But then, the patches.

In this modern age of Gossip Girl and NYC Prep, it can be tempting to target the wealthy, Upper East Side socialite market. However, I don't really think that is who Juicy is going for. Trust fund babies are not going to buy Juicy; they are going to buy Chanel. And Juicy knows this. So I can only imagine that the actual target customer of this hideous backpack is the aspirational suburban tween, the one who wishes she was an Upper East Side socialite trust fund baby and thinks she should want a quilted nylon backpack with a huge "Juicy Couture Prep" patch on it.

Well, I have news for you, Juicy: they're smarter than that. They know that their not-so-hard earned $228 would be better spent on Jonas Brothers tickets and multiple copies of the Twilight DVD.

Nice try.